MEGHAN
These are just like the muffins that my Grandmother used to make.

THE DEVIL
I know – she gave me the recipe!

WWMD? (sample)
by Robb Piggot

This play was first produced November 2017 as part of the Monkey With A Hat On Fantasy Ten Minute Play Festival

CHARACTERS

MEGHAN: A frustrated young woman with a liberal arts degree and not much else; unsure of her next life move.

THE DEVIL : Sympathetic. Nurturing. Compassionate. The kind of girl you’d take home to meet your parents if she weren’t the antichrist.

JESUS: Good-looking. Privileged. Arrogant. A cocky frat boy with little concern for anyone but himself. More of an S.O.B than the Son of you-know-who.

SETTING

Meghan’s run-down studio apartment. An air mattress and a folding table with two chairs. Red plastic cups, empty alcohol bottles and clothing hastily removed, now scattered about the small room. JESUS lies asleep on the air mattress; his face covered by a sheet.

TIME

The morning after.

(Lights up. The sound of MEGHAN throwing up. The toilet flushing. MEGHAN enters hungover.)

MEGHAN (to herself)
Jesus.

(JESUS begins to stir.)

THE DEVIL (entering from the kitchen)
Happy birthday, sleepyhead.

MEGHAN
Jesus! Are you —

THE DEVIL
The lucky devil who held this beautiful angel in her arms last night.

MEGHAN
No, I mean – are you who I think you are?

THE DEVIL
Yeah, it’s me – Satan, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, I get called them all. But truly nothing would make me happier than if you called me yours. (THE DEVIL kisses her on the forehead tenderly.)

MEGHAN
But you’re a —

THE DEVIL
A woman? Sweetheart, you need to reject this gender-biased, hetero-normative bullshit.

MEGHAN
I thought —

THE DEVIL
Trust me, I have had to deal with these same patriarchal attitudes ever since the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.

MEGHAN
I’m still drunk.

THE DEVIL
So am I – drunk in love. We’re two lost souls!

MEGHAN
Where did I find you?

THE DEVIL
Dante’s down on Burnside.

MEGHAN
See, that part of the evening is kind of a blur. I don’t even remember bringing you home. I was really wasted.

THE DEVIL
Oh Meghan, Meghan, Meghan. Let’s not start such a beautiful relationship on such ugly lies.

MEGHAN
Honest, I swear to G —

(THE DEVIL snaps her fingers. The lights of a crowded nightclub. The music of a crowded nightclub.)

MEGHAN
It’s always been my fantasy to be with a woman so why don’t you come back to my place and you can unwrap my birthday present?

(THE DEVIL snaps her fingers again. The lights return to as they were before. The music of a crowded nightclub stops instantly.)

MEGHAN
Oh Christ. (JESUS stirs again.)

THE DEVIL
Now, I have got a big day planned for us but first, I baked you something special in that oven that you are just going to love.

(THE DEVIL exits into the kitchen as JESUS sits up in bed.)

JESUS
I’d love to put something special into your oven.

MEGHAN (turning to JESUS)
Oh God!

JESUS (getting out of bed)
Naw, that’s my Dad.